Tears

just now..

as the sky crying heavily..
why is it the tears wouldnt stop coming out from my eyes...
why is it it feel painful in my chest...


1. Amy officially resign from PTP...
2. my family couldnt turun ke JB dr Ipoh..
3. My mom called n susah ati pasal certain things.. i couldnt be there to hear her out...
4. my frend kawen..
5. wiwit kawen..
6. my stomach pedih sgt...
7. financial bab rumah sewa xsettle lg... agak tegang bler discuss sesama sndri..
8. etc...


Do Fairy Tales comes true...

sindrom non-stop eating

hmm..
nafsu makan makin menjadi2..

ari ni aje..
dah makan:::

6 set roti bakar..

nasi goreng..

 
ayam masak lemak cili api..

2 gelas horlicks ais..

 1 gelas nescafe..

 
nasi putih + ikan asam pedas..

aiskrim..

coklat..

ok elyaaaaa,  

PLEASE STOP EATING!!

Should not do that..

Suddently... I feel.. that i shouldnt tell anyone n talk about me not feeling well..

Oh dear..

o_O

checklist for sindrom 'feeling-kehilangan'

Checklist setakat neh..

• Umah sewa lama da dikosong kn,,   

sigh,, tgk blk uma yg da kosong,, yg pena share suka duka,, bpisah ngan ketua uma,, fuhh.. dah la pindah dlm keadaan xsehat.. n xsempat jmpe pun ketua uma.. she help me a lot since the beginning i entered d house~

thanks to my dearest housemates, shima & ila yg byk tlg masa pindah~ kalo x,, xterpindah laaaa encik peti ais, encik washing machine, encik katil + tilam n beberapa mende yg len~

• Refinance my income

start bulan neh, nak kene refinance my income.. well, tindakan spontaneous on filling forms n tekan button submit make me blur jap~ kalo betol la.. further studies, part time sem depan.. mmg kene ikat macam2 neh~

How to find RM5,500 in every sem? xpe la, rezki ada kat mana2, yg penting, usaha~ ye x? yg pasti, start thn dpn.. mmg start la life yg lg challenging, jgn at d end.. da jd mcm hape lak, xjmpe2 mmber2, etc, hohohoho

• Wiwit dah kawen

Yup, yes she is, n she n her husband keep on updating their dating status in FB.. happy for them, although a little bit terasa sindrom 'feeling-kehilangan' menghantui sy~ not that im not happy for  them ya~ it's just me

n yes, i still in d mood 'fixing-my-feelings-back' =(

• Another fwenz pun da kawen

checklist lebey kurang sama mcm point atas neh~

last sunday, culik sapik, my adek, bring along my housemates.. travel to BP.. on d spot tgk address, on d spot carik umah~ was wondering gak, what m i doing? dah la ngah xsehat, jumaat got gastric terok, doctor pun da bising,, (sorry doc!) sabtu dah start demam selsema, pale da jam, mata da sakit, xilang balance, idong sakit, telinga, tekak pun ikut jam, itu ini, dak2 umah pun tnye byk kali, r u serius nk g BP in this condition?? wiwit bkn ada kat BP pun.. its just a wedding!

well, in dat condition, i dont know wat i think, tp alhamdullillah,, smpai gak kat uma pengantin, layan diri~ not very comfortable, ye la, xkenal sape pun seh.. ERK! blur2 jap

dah abeh makan, jam pun dah dekat 3pm, pengantin xsampai2, teringat2 si bedah ditinggalkn dlm kete, kepanasan.. kang mati lak si kecik tu.. sabar2

then bnyi kompang, pengantin tiba, pastu dak2 neh nk g tgk pengantin, follow je la, my adek kat my back.. after seeing him, (wife cantek n husband hensem), n timbul sindrom 'feeling-kehilangan', tros decide balik je la.. at least now i have nothing to regret.. 

 n yes, i still in d mood 'fixing-my-feelings-back'

• Dah ziarah ummi

balik je dr BP, terlintas kat ati, i should go ziarah ummi.. how is she.. how is ayah.. how is everybody.. smpai je kat umah ummi, they welcomed me sgt2 n of course terkejut gler, tetiba dtg, byk kali dorg ulang, da dekat 3bulan xtgk dorg, since raya aidilfitri, i just smiled jek.. well, still in d mood  'fixing-my-feelings-back' knnnn

layan kn cucu2 ummi - naimah & nuqman~ actives sungguh budak2 nuh, without anythings to think of~ da lama xtgk dak2 kecik.. dipendekkan cter,  naimah ikut me balik uma sewa baru~

hehe, wif me yg xbape sehat, dia ikut blk uma, layan kan kerenah, telatah, celoteh dia~ sok nye (isnin) tros sehat!! alhamdullillah~

• count down days on Amira nk berenti keje

another things to face.. count down day~

bersiap sedia berdepan dgn::: sindrom 'feeling-kehilangan' lagi~ sindrom lama xabeh, bertimpa2 sindrom baru.. sigh...

• crawling to sehat balik

bcoz of tekanan yg xabeh2 on this stupid mind.. my badan yg merana~ yelah, i dint say anything to anyone, go on with d flow~

thousand questions without answers~ xabeh pressure sindrom 'feeling-kehilangan', tmbah lagi pressure~ dgn work load~ dgn pindah uma~ dgn decision further studies~ bdn tros jam~ start ngan gastric biasa, pastu start muntah2, pastu tros demam selsema, etc~ giler aaaa, lembik btooolll

 ***********************

sabtu malam, berjalan2 dgn housemates.. lawat pakcik khairi~ give them some cakes sbb bufday kak nida~ hehe, tp terkilan gak la,, spatutnye jumaat malam g lawat dorg.. sbb bufday kak nida kamis.. tp disebabkn muntah2, n doc da bising xjaga itu ini.. so.. plan tertunda.. cake pun da mcm hape.. =(

after lawat pakcik khairi, ktorg g Bazaar JB.. mula2 jln sama2 ngn dak2 neh.. last2.. i walked alone jek kat bazaar nuh.. lots of memory~ tertambah plak pressure sindrom 'feeling-kehilangan'.. sendiri cari nahas..

as i walked alone.. ada terjumpa booth ape tah.. dah lupa, tp tgk tarikh lahir laaa, he commented on my personallity~ n i m glad dat i make a decision to hear him.. now i know.. i do have my strength.. =)
at least.. dlm keadaan mylife huru hara..some stranger advices me on many things.. thanks ya Allah for hearing my thought.. =)

*******************************

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were 

meant  to  be there...to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help 

figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these 

people may be but you lock eyes with them, you know that very momentthat 

they will affect your life in some profound way.

And  sometimes  things  happen  to  you at the time that may seem horrible,

painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those 

obstacles you would never realize your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. 

Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test 

limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road 

to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you 

experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned 

from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone 

hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have 

helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you 

open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love 

you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes 

to little things. Make every day count. Appreciate everything that you possibly can, 

for you may never experience it again.

Talk to people whom you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let 

yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up 

because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't 

believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create you own life and 

then go out and live it.

Muntah itu sakit laa

dah muntah..
4 kali muntah..
pale sangat Dizzy,
perut sangat pedih,
tgn stat pucat,
mata kabur2~

now im at office at gelang patah,,
tunggu okay balik pale,,
baru drive balik umah at taman u..

again..
sakitnye..
astagfirrullahal'azim..

=(

Mood yg ntah hape hape

Counting days~
minggu lepas was a very interesting week n minggu yg buat sy xpijak kat bumi nyata~
heppy sgt2~ 
ala2 jalan melayang2 la~ hehe

nape? sbb masa tu, i have someone (not one la, several peoples) yg be there for me whenever my life up side down~
n dat week also was d last week for me to spend time wif my precious friends..

coz on 19 Nov 2011 sy da hilang sorang rakan yg byk sgt tlg sy selama neh~

with a gorgeous person, Juwita Md Juhani, Congrats dear

dia dah kawen sabtu baru neh..
yg terkilan nye,, i couldnt be there utk tlg pape yg patot..
spatotnye, ikutkan, on jumaat da terjah rumah dia, tlg2 nyemak, tlg hu ha hu ha..
tp stuck lak ngan event office.. =(

nape cakap kehilangan? sbb whenever a person get married, hidup dia akan terikat, so of course i cannot simply ajak dia buat pape unless dia dpt permission from her hubby, and plus... not suitable la knnn, buat mende2 org bujang buat.. hehe

so.. event pe on 18 Nov 2011?
jom tgk gmbo2 neh:::

like i said before, agak emo lak kalo bab2 perpisahan~ even though mende kecik ja pun..

hehe..
1 more thing yg make me quite sad is.. minggu ni sorg lg my fwenz akn kawen..
n exactly after my wiwit married, this frend tros mhilangkan diri..
doesnt reply my msg, doesnt answer my call~
sblom neh okay jek,
thanks pada dia.. sbb non stop nasihatkan sy.. give me kata2 semangat..
byk sgt kaco waktu dia.. smpai keje pun terabai~ haha
n still, i asking dia, nape xmarah2?
at dat time.. i know, i should stop buat perangai n should hargai this person~ sbb sabar giler
haha
taapi.. agaknye da tlmbt kot
well.. ditmbah dgn factor len~ ntah la, sy pun xphm sbnrnye wat happen~
huhu.. pokok nye, as long as dia dgn yg sorg tuh da berbaik, tu da memadai..
even though up until now, still tertanya2 wat happen, pe update nye..
yela kan~ doesnt reply my msg, doesnt answer my call~
oh yes, ari ni, dia nikah~
congrats congrats
=)

so, me? here i am~
started to write in blog again~
sigh... =(

1. my frenz, amira da nk berenti keje
2. wiwit da kawen
3. another friend pun kawen
4. terpaksa pindah umah sewa baru - bpisah dgn housemate lama =(
5. have to refinance my money..
6. ada a few things lg, tp xingt..

well..
do fairy tales come true?

i miss all of u...

1 year boley?

1 year to change my life
1 year to change my destiny
1 year to improve my skills
1 year to change other perspectives
1 year to b d best for myself~

=)

Angan-angan minah jenin

Let me tell u a fairy tales - angan-angan minah jenin~
biasa kita dengar pasal mat jenin je kan? so kali ni, kt tukar tune skek~ MINAH JENIN~
hehe

kebiasaan perempuan mahu kan seorang teman dalam hidup.. and perjalanan untuk dapatkan teman itu berbeza bagi tiap individu..

ada yang kisah hidupnya bagai cinderella, ada yang bagai romeo n juliet, ada yg bagaikan kisah snow white dan sebagainya.. anda bagaimana?

cter fairy seorang gadis biasa yg cantek nye xseberapa, bkn seorang idola, bkannye sorang pemimpin atau ketua cheerleaders~ so, biasa yg sgt biasa je la

pinta nya hanya 1 dlm hidup ini,, hidup di jalan-Nya.. bersama-sama dengan pemilik tulang rusuk nya...
perjalanan hidupnya mula up side down bila mana dia bertemu dengan seseorang yang pd mulanya disangka pemilik tulang rusuk.. kita letak dat guy nama dia Ali eh eh eh?

so, pntanya pada Ali hanya 1, xperlu kaya, xperlu sempurna, asalkan dapat membimbing / membahagiakan dia dan bakal zuriat dunia akhirat, itu sudah memadai,

yelah kan?
buat pe kaya, tapi hidup dalam kejahilan
buat pe pendidikan tinggii, ttapi hidup dalam keadaan kesesatan
buat pe pula berpangkat tinggi, tapi hidup memandang rendah orang lain,
nothing kekal, hanya yg kekal adalah bagaimana si empunya tulang rusuk itu memimpin seseorang ke jalan Nya,,

alamak, ngantuk tetiba, TO BE CONTINUE~
lalalala

Officemate berenti keje?

yup, macam yg u olz baca kat tajuk tuh, my officemate nk berenti keje..

xsukenye xsukenye xsukenyeee!!!

nape xsuke?

sbb sy akan hilang sorg mmber kat opis..

yg sebaya, yg leh dibuat giler, yg macam2 lg

dia terrer~

bab writing, dressing, n bab2 menasihat,,

tapi.. skrg.. dah nk berenti,, kenal pun xsampai stahun..

GRRR.. really make me xde mood..

events tahun neh, dia yg byk tlg mekap kn~ byk tlg komenkn mane yg xkene,,

bab keje pun.. dia byk tlg checkkn.. tp now.. aii..

selama dia masuk PTP, i always hope n pray for her that she can maintain kat PTP neh ha.. 

TAAPIII....

xsukenye xsukenye xsukenyeee!!!

 i dont like perpisahan, even though berpisah ngn mmber bese je pun, it would make me very sad..

teringat sblom neh, berpisah ngn rakan2, masa sama2, ramai2 abeh blaja Degree,,

ada gak la tempoh MURUNG..

kurung diri.. dont want to eat... non-stop sleeping... ilang focus.. dont know wat to think.. n crying..

well, itu baru berpisah ngan rakan2 U..

gila betul

n penah gak lg, my ex-superior, En Khairul Anuar, nk pindah keje,, skrg neh kat Senai Airport,,

masa tu ada makan2 celebrate dia nk pindah keje...

ada ke patut dorg suruh sy bg ucapan.. kompem la crying.. haha kelakar

tp it is really me..

now,,, turn Cik Amira plak yg blah... adade je korang neh nk bg my mood xde kan kan kan?

awat laaa im easilly touched by perpisahan,,

=(

ckop ckop ngan topic yg xde solution neh,,

jom kt layan fairy tales plak...

there is a one girl..

yg mindset nya..

doesnt need a friend.. but need someone who::

can guide & bahagiakan dia & bakal zuriat dunia akhirat..

yg akan be there for her kat mana aje..

doesnt even care who he is..

where is he belong..

doesnt even care if he rich or poor..

can save her from her..

n byk lg laaa

for some how, it is soOOooOO hard to find that person..

kalo jumpe pun, dimiliki orang len~

kelakar ek?

pastu ada yg tnye dis girl...

is it ok for her to be a 2nd wife for a men?

the answer is.. 

"whatever Ummi Munaliza, from www.Halaqah.net is comment on the poligamy..

that is her answer too.."

paham x? kalo xpaham.. sape soh baca entry2 blog neh kan?

adios sumer~

counting days

hmm, ikutkan, da ada xsampai 48 jam utk get back to Johor,
sigh, bila pikir kan balik, y do i have to go to Johor,
there is no one there,
semua ada darah daging  dorg
sumer ada laki bini dorg
whenever things goes wrong, im in blank.

pernah 1 masa, while driving to my work place,
tayar pecah..
there alone, i cry and crying,
i called my friend, oh ye, dia da kawen la kan
dint answer at all.. maybe dok dating ngan laki dia kot.
i called other people.
no one answered it~
then, last, i called my housemate..
called and called and called..
at last, she answered, i told her what happened.
she said that she will come ASAP
there i waited and waited with tears in my eyes..
Hell yeah, what m i doing in this stupid life?
of course there is no one will help u, there hv their own life~

pendeknye, my housemate come and tolong tukar kn tayar..

seriusly, that momment mmg da bg a big impact in my life..
other people akn jaga bontot dorg sndri, and senang sama senang, susah, go to hell la

well, kerja tetap kerja, tapi day by days maken bored
walhal, biler orang keep asking me to tukar kerja or tukar department,
all i can say is:
i really love my department
i really love my job
i really love people in my department

tapi.. (nape ada tapi?)

jerk

let it go.. plz let it go..too tired, too painful, too annoying..those thingi?keep in a box, sealed itfreeze ur heart, dont let others take it away from u
penat, penat, penatdont know how to say,but im very exhausted,really i am..
y?menjadi stupid, lembap,i hate this really i hate this,if u ask me, honestly i dont like it,i dont want to be here, seeing others,i know it is not good for me, yes i knowbut y? nape my heart become like this?
dont know what to do, dont know what to saydont know what to act, dont know what to responsei just hate it, hate everythingplzz,, safe me from me..

Puting beliung sesat

Yesterday, while tengah berada di puncak stress, sehingga kan nk vomit pun xjadi sebab kene gagah kan diri,hp berbunyik, di angkat, ayah. katanya: kakak, call mama sekarang, bumbung rumah terbang.pergh, tersentap ati, BUMBUNG RUMAH??call mama cepat2, mama cakap baru tadi puting beliung. abes kebanyakan rumah2 ilang bumbung. adik2 semua alhamdullillah xde yg jadi pape. mama ayah of course xde kat rumah.. tanggungjawab kerja..
mmg sgt terkjut.. buat aku terpikir.. maybe ini peringatan untuk aku dari-Nya..jangan lupakan family.. ada tanggunjawab.. so.. no no no entertainment..yg penting, lepas kan beban family dulu..kita bukan macam orang lain..adik2 semua study lagi..mama ayah memang xmampu untuk tanggung dorg sangat..
________________________________
ari ni aku kol mama lagi,mama, dah betulkan bumbung?belum.. duit xde lagi..maybe hujung bulan ni baru betulkan.. mintak orang betulkan pakai plastik je..tu pun bayar orang tu pakai duit belanja syafiq, adik aku yang sorang tu..diam aku diam..siyes, aku xleh lari.. ni tanggungjawab aku.cukup2 la parents dah berhempas pulas tanggung aku..berkali2 mama kata mama kesian kan aku.. kalau mama ada duit, xkacau aku..aku diam lagi.. runsing. siyes runsing.. berapa upah baiki bumbung?ada la XXXXXXXXX...Aku xkira. walau macam mana pun. kene baiki.xkesah la macam mana.Ya Allah, gagah kan diri ini.. mudah2an setabah mama ayah yang besarkan kami selama ni tanpa mengeluh sikit pun..

tomorrow's checklist>

hurm.. life, so great.. hehe

but sadly, im still like a boat, kejap ke sana kejap ke sini..

of course, not to forget, sikap pelupa ku ini,,

aii.. notes da buat, siap tmpal depan pc, ape lg ek,,

still bleh lupa?

OMG, ya Allah.. bantu lah aku, sok ada meeting ngn Guru Besar SK..

harap2 la leh bcakap..

p/S: smpai bler nk harapkan pada opismate kn?

ELYA!! plz learn faster laaaaa

Dugaan permulaan Isnin

Tatkala diri ini semangat untuk kerja esok..
ON laptop, xleh idop?? aaaaaa
bedah rosak lagi>? memang nk kene sekeh..
keciwa menoonggeng daku,,
atas katil, menjadi mayat idop..
dalam ati: bedah ku,,, bedah ku,,

Ya Allah, ringankan beban ku ini,, permudahkan segala kesempitan idop ku ini,, aku mohon padamu ya Allah,,
Amin,,